This past week a sweet friend of mine posted a photo of their recent devotional that they had read that day. It resonated with me, and was just what I needed that day. I am going to share the photo with you. I asked, and she said it was from the devotional, Jesus Calling. I just wanted to share it with all of you, and proceed to tell you how God is speaking to me.
How often do we question what we wear, how we act, how we dye or cut our hair, how loud we laugh (or snort when we laugh), how we raise our children, how our children act in public, if we pray in public before meals, lift our hands in church with worship music, dance in public, gallop and neigh like a horse through a parking lot by request of your toddler, not write a blog with your true thoughts and emotions… you get the idea. We allow what other people “might” think about us define how we act, react, or look. This is such a sad view, but we ALL do it. I mean that list above is just some of my own personal experiences, we each have our own list of items. As the page above me states though, “…it is nearly impossible to discern what others actually think of you. “(Young, 2004).
The day I read the post from my friend Jenn with that snapshot of her devotional, it hit me hard that day. However, just like anything that God is trying to teach and show us , we listen and often our days swell up and we become engulfed with the activities that often consumes our lives. This morning as I was cooking pancakes for the girls, we were listening to Jamie Grace radio on pandora (one of my favorites, and since the girls and I are all sick with a cold we skipped church as to not share our germs, and I just really wanted some praise and worship music on this morning). A song called God Girl, by Jamie Grace came on. I have heard this song probably 1,000 times, I even know most of the words, but how often do we learn the words but not really KNOW them. (this is certainly scary for me with little people, Novella absorbs music and books, memorizes everything, so I have to be mindful of what is playing in the background throughout the day, but that is for a different blog). Today as I was slathering pancakes with butter and syrup, I listened, I REALLY LISTENED to the words.
“And when my ears start hearin’ what people say
Hurry up find love cause times tickin’ away
Well, I’m not bein’ lazy I’m just waiting for
Still waiting for the right boy
Cause I only want to listen to your voice
So I’ll be listenin’
Always listenin’ to you everyday
Cause I’m a God girl that’s who I’ll be
From the top of my head to the soles of my feet
No I can’t deny it, wouldn’t even try
I’m your girl in a crazy world
I’m a God girl that’s who I’ll be
From the top of my head to the soles of my feet
I can’t deny it, wouldn’t even try
I’m your girl for the whole wide world to see
Your name in lights
My biggest dream
My all in all
You’re all I need
Hand in hand with the master of all creativity
And I won’t stop until I know
All my facebook friends and foes
Look at me and only see one thing“
I highlighted in pink the words that really sunk in with me this morning. Who cares what other people think, I’m a God Girl! With Christ, what he thinks of me is ALL that matters, and all I want people to see is Christ shining through me, I want him to shine through me. Just like the song, This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine! Christ is the light in my life, and I want him to shine.
The clothes that I wear do not define me, I need to wear what I wear to honor Christ and be comfortable in my own skin. The color or cut of my hair matters not, it’s just an expression of who I am, and God loves me no matter if I shave my head, dye my hair purple, or put it in dreadlocks (don’t worry Ryan, I don’t plan to do that. LOL), I speak loudly, laugh loudly and on a regular occasion I snort when I laugh (which is how I got my nickname SNORTwein, using my Seaman label when I was Active Duty, combined with my last name Ortwein, it just worked out way too perfectly, but I embraced it), you know why I embraced it? That is how God created me!! I pride myself in well behaved children, so when they act out in public I often get embarrassed, but you know what, everyone who has had children in their lives have had moments when their children were less than perfect in a public setting, so it is likely that most people wouldn’t even care or think twice about it, it doesn’t mean I am, or that you are a bad parent, they are kids, and it happens.
(side story, I once was at a Barnes and Noble pre-children, pre-marriage, and I heard a child screaming from the childrens area in the back of the store. Next thing I knew the screaming was getting louder and louder, the mother was carrying her tantrum throwing son down the main aisle, and with a song in her voice she sang over him, “I walk the walk of shame, walk of shame, walk of shame, all through the store” and she left the store with him.) The point of that story is we have ALL been there, mom’s you’re doing a great job, whether your children are perfect in public or running amuck, embrace it, they are children and they are a joy, yes, even when they are having a tantrum. Use those moments to teach them about Gods grace, understanding and forgiveness by how you act and react to those situations.
Raise your hands in church if God is leading you to, pray before your meals no matter where you are if that is what your family tradition is. You are teaching your children a new norm and they will grow up with that and know that is is okay to do! If your toddler asks you to gallop and neigh like a horse with her through a parking lot, or store. Be as silly as you want, because you are having fun with your child, and teaching her how to embrace who she is and not worry about what others think of her, because all that matters at the end of the day is that she is loved and happy, and God sees this! As far as writing a blog, and being vulnerable, that is obviously very specific to me, and I am working on not worrying what others think…
So in a nutshell, all that matters at the end of the day is how Christ sees me, how I portray Christ in my own life and how others can see Christ through me. I need to spend less time using what other people may or may not think of me as an excuse and live my life for Christ. I have faith that he is with me always, and as long as I am following his commandments and being the best Christian I can be….I got this, with his help!
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