A few days ago I was feeling in a bit of a rut. The day wasn’t bad, or anything like that. I just happened to get into my own head. I was thinking about the girls upcoming birthday’s and looking back on this past year and my mind began to wander, which is not always a good thing.

I began to think about where Aveline was a year ago and everything we have been through in the past 10-11 months. I began to feel a little sad. On one hand Aveline is still very far behind in some areas developmentally, but on the other hand in the past two months she has made great gains! I allowed the devil to get in my head, and I began to dwell on what she isn’t doing instead of what she is. That is a hard place to be. I just happened to be driving an hour drive home, one was sleeping and one was playing quietly on her kindle.

I began to tear up as I was feeling sadness, I recently reminded a friend that it is okay to grieve that your child is not getting to experience life like a healthy child, and it is okay to mourn moments and have those emotions as long as we don’t stay in that grief and mourning for an extended time. I quickly realized that in this moment I was dwelling on the negative instead of the positives and I began to silently pray. I prayed for God to change my heart and give me peace, to help me to dwell on his goodness and on Avelines gains instead of the negatives. Something inside me (probably the holy spirit) told me to turn the radio onto the message (the Christian radio station on Sirius xm). So I listened and followed.

A song I have heard probably a thousand times was playing, I know the words, but how often do we know the words to a song, but not really listen to the words? It was Mandisa, Press On…

So I listened, I REALLY listened, and these were the words I heard…

“When I’m alone, when I’m afraid
When I have had all I can take
Losing my grip, I start to slip away
When I can hear the voice of doubt
Inside my head, screaming loud
Strengthen my faith, and help me say
Today, today
I will follow, I will press on
Even when the walk feels long
Your hands hold me together
Your love is with me forever
Through the broken, through the victory
I will praise You through it all
And run hard ‘til the race is done
I, I’m gonna press on, press on
I’m gonna press on, press on
How many storms have I been through
How many led me right to You
You’re using the pain, the hardest days
For my good, my good
So what do I fear
God, You are with me
Guiding my steps today
Through the mountains, valleys, sun and rain
Lord, lead the way, lead the way
I will follow, I will press on
Even when the walk feels long
Your hands hold me together
Your love is with me forever
Through the broken, through the victory
I will praise You through it all
And run hard ‘til the race is done
I, I’m gonna press on, press on…”

 

Holy Moly!!!

I love when God uses music like this. It is not the first time he has spoken to me through song, and likely won’t be the last. God knows just what we need when we need it! The following morning I was doing my devotional and again, God blew me away. I had just finished telling Ryan about the song and how God had used it to speak to me. I got out my devotional book that I mentioned a few blogs ago, Read it Here, the book is called, “Refresh : Spiritual Nourishment for Parents of Children with Special Needs”.

The Interpreter was the name of the lesson that day, and Romans 8:26-27 stood out to me, “In the same way, the spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the spirit, because the spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God,”

WHOA!!

Just like the day before the Holy Spirit knew what I needed, before I knew, I was nudged to change the radio station, and there is was! God is so amazing, and faithful!

NOT TODAY DEVIL, NOT TODAY!